Depression: You've Gotta Have Faith

/
Heaven by elynnfant (Jennifer Burton) on etsy

Heaven by elynnfant (Jennifer Burton) on etsy

“In the summer of 2012, I started writing about depression. Ultimately, I wrote thirteen articles that were published monthly at the online magazine Scoutie Girl.
A part of it includes my experience with a long, dark episode of depression. But mostly, my goal has been to remind myself of good things to do and help others to help us when we’re unwell: something I couldn’t do when I was down.
The first full week of October 2015 encompasses Mental Illness Awareness Week in Canada, so I thought, why not republish these? So, here they are. Where possible, the articles exist as they did in 2012-2013, with links to originals. ”

Depression: You've Gotta Have Faith

I heard all kinds of crap when I was at the bottom. Things like, “Try praying, it will really help.” And, “Oh. You don’t have a congregation anymore, do you?” And, “Have you tried letting go and letting God?”

None of these questions or advisings made me feel any better. If anything, they made me feel more disconnected. I felt like a failure. Like, not only was I moving at a slug-pace, I also wasn’t rosarying myself to wellness. In fact, each time I heard, “Have you tried God?” I thought, “Yeah, just like I’ve tried all of the drugs and everything else. And it doesn’t work.”

However. . .

Now that I’m on the other side, I can see how people really, actually, meant well. I have compassion for their positions of feeling well and good in the comfort of prayer and congregations and connections and choir-song and prayer books and little black beads. And that they wanted to share all of that.

From it, I believe two things: that an honest, heart-filled spiritual connection can make a difference, and that we each come to it in our own time, if at all. As in, it can’t be prescribed.

While still in the bottom of depression, I took a trip to a Buddhist meditation retreat. Looking back, I really don’t know how I did it. I still had a lot of social phobia and wasn’t far from the days where I felt confused when trying to decide what to have for lunch. I literally don’t know how I made it on two planes, two ferries, and a shuttle van to get to my destination. I had a mantra on my way there: “I am a smart person. People less smart than me can do this. I can do this.” I made it there and back. And while there, I learned to breathe. We practiced vipassana in silence, and my burden lessened.

On the other side of darkness, I now know that moments of spiritual connection are a kind of magic that truly elevates. And it sounds woo-woo, doesn’t it? Now that I’m feeling well, I can also feel that truly knowing there is something bigger than us mere humans can help us through.

In whatever form it takes, there is something bigger, on a spirit level, that can support us.

Even if, like a boyfriend I once had, you believe that “it’s all a fairy tale,” why not throw caution to the wind and, say, believe in a fairy tale? We did as children. “Belief” is the key part, not what the belief is in. So long as we are as honest as we can be with ourselves, and no one is getting hurt, what can be so wrong?

Throwing your worries and hurt to a great spirit lessens the burden you carry. And as your burden lessens, maybe you start to feel lighter. And feeling is the object, isn’t it?

I am writing this because I had an experience. I am in no way a medical professional. I had an experience, and I have learned a lot from it, and that’s the foundation of all of this.

Conquering Depression: Exercise Helps

/
Exercising Makes Me Happy by VBTypography (Victoria Breton) on etsy

Exercising Makes Me Happy by VBTypography (Victoria Breton) on etsy

“In the summer of 2012, I started writing about depression. Ultimately, I wrote thirteen articles that were published monthly at the online magazine Scoutie Girl.
A part of it includes my experience with a long, dark episode of depression. But mostly, my goal has been to remind myself of good things to do and help others to help us when we’re unwell: something I couldn’t do when I was down.
The first full week of October 2015 encompasses Mental Illness Awareness Week in Canada, so I thought, why not republish these? So, here they are. Where possible, the articles exist as they did in 2012-2013, with links to originals.”

Conquering Depression: Exercise Helps

 

When things were really bad, in the bottom of my major depressive episode, I could barely get out of bed. My ultimately life-saving partner would coax me up and walk me downstairs to the couch for the day’s adventure. As I got better, he would put me in the car and take me on little driving trips, like to a local lake or the riverfront, just to sit and have a look at something else for a change. He took me on a summer trip that I only really remember through reconstructed stories and pictures (the whole trip was a bit overwhelming, and either the illness or the meds I was trialling seemed to have taken parts of my memory).

Before being sick, though, I had always been active. I raced BMX in junior high, played basketball in high school, swam competitively in college, and learned to cross-country ski as a little kid on the snowy prairies. As an adult, I had swum Masters meets and competed in triathlons. I know that exercise makes me feel better, and there was nothing I could do to force myself to the levels of exercise that I had been accustomed to. In so many ways, I desperately wanted my situation to change, to get better; meds didn’t work so I had to grasp on to something to help.

So I started small, and asked for help.

I had been seeing my acupuncturist twice a week. He is also a physical therapist, and from the start, he encouraged me to do some exercise at my level. In the beginning, he would check with me to see if I was able to walk to the end of the block — three houses away. As I built up my strength, I moved on to walking partway around the block and back, and then around the block, and then further, until two years later, I was swimming (my regular) 2500m in the pool and skiing 25km per week. The point is that with dedication, I could increase my amounts of exercise, and get to a level that I had been at before.

And the exercise led me to feel.

It might have been the wind on my cheeks, or my lungs puffed up and sore, or tightness in my legs or arms, but it was feeling something. Part of depression is the sheer lack of feeling. Doing exercise and experiencing changes in my body felt like being “better,” and that was the ultimate goal.

It’s a myth that if you are able to exercise, you can’t also have depression. Exercise, at your level, is a tool to help you to feel better on your path to becoming healthy.

It’s also a myth that if you’re athletic, you won’t have depression. Canadian Olympic speed skater and cyclist (yes, she competes in both winter and summer Olympics) Clara Hughes has experienced depression, and recovered. Partnered with communications company Bell, her third Let’s Talk Day is coming up on February 12. [EDITED TO ADD: On September 22, 2015, Bell Canada announced its continued support for mental illness, and several other spokespeople are now also involved.] Clara Hughes shows how important it is to talk about it. And I know that keeping moving makes things just a little bit better.

So, tell me, how does physical movement fit into your day? Do you feel better when you’re doing it? Or does the feel-good come afterward? If you aren’t currently in a rhythm of exercising daily, what’s a small step that you’d like to take to get your body moving?

Note: I am writing this because I had an experience. I am in no way a medical professional. I had an experience, and I have learned a lot from it, and that’s the foundation of all of this.

Depression: What You Eat Changes How You Feel

/
The Last Harvest by Marisa Kestel on etsy

The Last Harvest by Marisa Kestel on etsy

“In the summer of 2012, I started writing about depression. Ultimately, I wrote thirteen articles that were published monthly at the online magazine Scoutie Girl.
A part of it includes my experience with a long, dark episode of depression. But mostly, my goal has been to remind myself of good things to do and help others to help us when we’re unwell: something I couldn’t do when I was down.
The first full week of October 2015 encompasses Mental Illness Awareness Week in Canada, so I thought, why not republish these? So, here they are. Where possible, the articles exist as they did in 2012-2013, with links to originals.”

Depression: What You Eat Changes How You Feel

There are few more contentious topics these days than “what you eat.”

I won’t get into which diets are best and how we need to change the world through them, and this also has nothing to do with changing your body shape.

I’m here to talk about what I tried that worked in helping me to feel better.

 

Foods avoided

First, I cut out alcohol consumption. Alcohol makes me feel worse, almost across the board: any kind, any situation, any amount. It sends me into the pit, for at least 48 hours. (I’m not making this up.) I haven’t had addiction issues, and there were a few years where alcohol consumption was really fun! But cutting it out has been good for me.

Caffeine. It messes with mood ups and downs too much. Yes, this meant even cutting out chocolate for a while. But the effects of eating it were so strong and noticeable that cutting it out created marked positive feedback.

Refined foods, like sugar and wheat flour and packaged foods.

Nightshades. There was a point where one of the meds I trialled had me swollen up with some kind of auto-immune response that behaved like rheumatoid arthritis. As we sorted out the underlying cause(s), my nutritionist recommended a low-inflammation diet. It excluded all refined foods and nightshades: peppers, tomatoes, potatoes, and eggplant.

Foods welcomed

Fresh vegetables. Mother* was right: fresh vegetables are really good for you. Paying such strong attention to what was happening in my body led me to feeling the energetics of food. And eating fresh vegetables creates a happy buzz.
(*Maybe not yours, but someone’s.)

Food that’s close to home. Not everyone has the luxury of having garden space in the back yard and living near a mixed farming community. But for those of us who do, we know that eating vegetables from the earth tastes good and very different from the same vegetables we get in most stores. It’s the same with meat, if you eat it. For example, chicken from your local farmer tastes so much better than chicken from a commercial farm. And there has to be goodness in that.

Water. Okay, it’s not a food, but it seems to help with balancing everything out.

Tea. It’s hot, it’s a change in taste, and it’s soothing. After cutting out caffeine, I hit rooibos. It’s perfect when I’m after a mellow, dark drink. And I have always enjoyed herbal infusions, so it wasn’t a stretch to reach for them. To go back to my earlier article on how pushing our senses can shift how we’re feeling, tea fits.

It’s both simple and complicated: We become accustomed to eating certain foods, even when we know that others might be better for us. By trying to move toward those that help us more, and avoiding more of the ones that make us feel worse, we can start to participate in feeling better more of the time.

Have you noticed that, over time or in the moment, certain foods help support good feelings? What works (or doesn’t work) for you?

I am writing this because I had an experience. I am in no way a medical professional. I had an experience, and I have learned a lot from it, and that’s the foundation of all of this.

Depression: Trying Alternative Treatments

/
In the Zen Garden by Gregory Bryant as MantaWave on etsy

In the Zen Garden by Gregory Bryant as MantaWave on etsy

“In the summer of 2012, I started writing about depression. Ultimately, I wrote thirteen articles that were published monthly at the online magazine Scoutie Girl.
A part of it includes my experience with a long, dark episode of depression. But mostly, my goal has been to remind myself of good things to do and help others to help us when we’re unwell: something I couldn’t do when I was down.
The first full week of October 2015 encompasses Mental Illness Awareness Week in Canada, so I thought, why not republish these? So, here they are. Where possible, the articles exist as they did in 2012-2013, with links to originals.”

Depression: Trying Alternative Treatments

My medical doctors had the best intentions, of that I’m sure.

I trialled four anti-depressants in six months, and none of them improved my symptoms. With my then-slow-moving brain, I took some advice and tried some alternatives — and set out to find a way to feel better. Here’s some of what worked for me.

Acupuncture. I had tried it once before, after a back injury, and it had helped me. In all good fortune, I have an accomplished acupuncturist in my small town. He had trained in a psychiatric clinic earlier in his career, so was compassionate toward my slow-moving mind and body. I started out seeing him twice per week, and, several years later, now see him once a week for “maintenance.”

Nutrition. I started seeing a wholistic nutritionist. We talked about eliminating sugar and processed foods, and continuing to avoid caffeine and alcohol (these I dropped early on, due to their mood-shifting qualities). We worked through some homeopathic protocols and high-quality supplements like fish oil and vitamin D, on top of multi vitamins and minerals.

Meditation. I came to vipassana and tried my best at it. I’d light a candle nearly every day and sit in front of it, trying to focus on my breath, hoping to feel better, or, simply feel.

Exercise: Walking, swimming, and skiing. It was intensely hard work to even get out the door when I was at my worst, but I came to find that the effort was worth it. Exercise helped me to start to feel both physically better and good about myself for having accomplished it. There are ideas and studies about how bilateral movement promotes mind-body connections, and even helps brain messages cross the corpus callosum. Plus, although it is very hard to do when you’re depressed, exercise starts to feel good over time.

Joining a swim club. Exercise + camaraderie + buoyancy = feeling good.

The band. I lucked into finding a folk-ish roots band that practiced a lot and performed very little. There, I could sing. The act of opening your mouth and letting out a good sound, in the company of a kind group, can do wonders for finding a feeling.

Getting a dog. I wouldn’t recommend this for everyone. It’s a lot of work and a huge commitment. For me, though, in my life and relationship, it was a good idea. A dog needs attention and care and a walk every day. And I needed to give that. Plus, a dog gives back a thousandfold.

Yoga. It feels good.

Friends + kind people. Accepting help is hard. Even when you’re feeling well—and not no mention when some of your former friends don’t know what to do so they withdraw. Asking for support is a big job—with risks—but there are moments where it’s necessary and can be rewarding.

It is a grand mix of variables, but when the magic pill doesn’t quite work, some people can get better without drugs.

Have you tried any alternative therapies to try to start feeling better? What were they and how did you know that they were helping?

I am writing this because I had an experience. I am in no way a medical professional. I had an experience, and I have learned a lot from it, and that’s the foundation of all of this.

Depression: How to Survive a Psych Emergency Intake

/
papyrus collage with red cross by beamahan on etsy

papyrus collage with red cross by beamahan on etsy

“In the summer of 2012, I started writing about depression. Ultimately, I wrote thirteen articles that were published monthly at the online magazine Scoutie Girl.
A part of it includes my experience with a long, dark episode of depression. But mostly, my goal has been to remind myself of good things to do and help others to help us when we’re unwell: something I couldn’t do when I was down.
The first full week of October 2015 encompasses Mental Illness Awareness Week in Canada, so I thought, why not republish these? So, here they are. Where possible, the articles exist as they did in 2012-2013, with links to originals.”

Depression: How to Survive a Psych Emergency Intake

Early in my “major-episode-of-depression” journey, I tried some family doctor-prescribed antidepressants. They didn’t work for me, and in our health care system, it seemed clear that there would be a several-month-long waitlist to see a specialist. Instead, it was recommended that I present myself to the local university hospital and prepare to be helped by their emergency clinic, held within their psychiatry ward. Ultimately, I was helped. In the moment, however, I was unnerved, afraid, wary, and suspicious.

Here’s how I survived, and how you could make a similar situation gentler on yourself.

  1. Bring a friend.  The friend I brought was matter-of-fact, non-reactionary, and completely steady. She worked on marking student assignments while I worked on filling out a fourteen-page intake questionnaire. (Those of you who have suffered the difficulties in concentrating that accompany depression will understand the basic challenge surrounding this).
  2. Be convinced that you will be helped. These are professionals, and they are people. Their education will help them to make good decisions in helping you, and their humanness might mean that it could take some questioning and time: the mental equivalent of X-rays and other poking and prodding that happens when you present with a physical illness.
  3. Be honest. Your situation is neither worse nor better than you attempt to make it out to be. Being honest and being in medical care are both important steps on your journey to feeling well.
  4. Bring a drink and a snack. You might be there a while. Similarly, bring an easy-reading magazine or your ipod filled with your most comfort-creating music.
  5. Be sure that, if your friend cannot stay the entire time, you have someone ready and available to pick you up when it’s all over. The experience might be one of the longest times you have been away from home in a while, and it will likely be difficult. Try to accept their help.
  6. Find the humour. For me, I coped by noting the ridiculousness of my first counsellor’s appearance, and later wrote about it. It made it easier at the time to wonder if I might be able to somehow tell others about it and laugh, sooner or later.

Know that you are doing what’s best for yourself, and that you will be helped.

If you live in a centre that does not have specific emergency psychiatric help, and you are feeling unwell for an extended period, or you have feelings of harming yourself or someone else, find a way to get to the general emergency area of your local hospital, where someone can help you.

If you aren’t sure whether you are depressed, but think that you might be, seek help from your family doctor, or begin by checking out the simple Mayo Clinic depression self-assessment link.

Have you had to take care of yourself in a difficult way, like seeking emergency medical help for your mental health? What worked to make it easier for you? How were you able to find small pockets of comfort in an uncomfortable place?

I am writing this because I had an experience. I am in no way a medical professional. I had an experience, and I have learned a lot from it, and that’s the foundation of all of this.